Hurting. Healing. Hurting.

I feel numb.

It’s not supposed to be like this. When something hurts you, you are supposed to take that something away from yourself, so that you can heal your wounds. IF you don’t then the wound never heals; you just become numb.

I feel numb.

Though the object of the hurt is nowhere close. I’m still numb. How do I know this? Because I don’t believe I can be this ‘normal’ given my characteristics and the situation I’m in right now. If I am, then the only way that’s possible is by being numb. Denial. There is no hurt, because there is no object of hurt. It never existed at all. I’m just making it all up in my head.

Or possibly I haven’t healed yet. Yes, that’s it. It’s still an open wound. So going anywhere close to the object of the hurt is going to cause further pain or require fortified numbing.

But, But, the object of the hurt will always hurt. Even after I have healed completely. Then it will be a new wound. Then it becomes a redundant cycle of getting hurting and healing. I’ve read that the capacity to heal diminishes upon repeated injury-healing. One just becomes numb. Back to square one.

Spontaneous Re-generation is the need of the hour.

I don’t want to be numb. I don’t want to hurt either. Lemme know if you’ve figured that one out.

What is the difference between not acknowledging pain and becoming numb? Where is the fucking line? When something heals it doesn’t mean that it will not hurt again. It very well can, by the same object too. Fall 10 times and it will still hurt the 11th. How does that stop? Remove the object forever. Don’t fall in the first place.

The will always be other objects. How many does one remove? How many graves/mountains does one avoid?

Chuck it. Just let it go. The will be more objects after this. Each of them will cause wounds. Each of them will heal. Then there will be new wounds. Heck, then even the old object can be welcomed back. Wounds are wounds. They all cause pain.

I hope the part about capacity of healing diminishing is just a joke. I keep coming back to spontaneous re-generation. Fall 10 times and it will still hurt the 11th. You just learn to get up faster. Wait a minute, is that healing faster or numbing faster?

Maybe it’s not about the object. It’s ME. How does that matter? The answer still remains the same. Stay away from the object of the hurt. STAY AWAY.

Healed wounds are still sensitive you know, even more so.

“I know it’s hard to keep an open heart,

When even friends seem out to harm you;

But if you could heal a broken heart,

Wouldn’t time be out charm you?”

I do hope he’s right.

It’s really hard to go on like this. No point to hurting, healing and then hurting again.

I still feel numb. When does the anesthesia wear off, Doctor?

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One thought on “Hurting. Healing. Hurting.

  1. Guns N’ Roses. November Rain. If you’re numb then listen to Pink Floyd’s Comfortably Numb. Recommendation comes late of course. 😛

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