Life Glare. Sundays 9:00 PM. Only on Conscience. Don’t miss the first episode!

As she landed on a webpage that reminded her of him, she sighed. It was sad that things had come to where they had. But yet, somewhere in her heart, or mind rather, because that’s where one knows, she knew that this was more or less inevitable. They would have reached this impasse sooner or later. ‘You always had a way of falling for the wrong guy’

 ‘Falling’ she thought. Had she really fallen for him? She didn’t really like the idea. She wasn’t some 16 year old school girl. She was 25. Would turn 26, in a matter of weeks. She was married. To her boyfriend. And happy. Yes, of course, no doubt about that. Her husband and the marriage were one of the best things to have happened to her. The husband, she had fallen for. Hook, line and sinker. No doubt again.

 So what was it exactly with him, that now made her wince and sigh as she thought of him? She had missed him, no doubt (goddamn, she thought, I keep using that phrase, yet doubt seems to be the only thing running through my mind, all the time) in the few days that they had maintained their stoic and stubborn silence. She also knew that this time the silence would be protracted, unlike their previous disagreements, and she would probably have to miss him some more. But she knew she wouldn’t be going back to the same thing either. She had had enough.

 Exactly what had he been? A distraction? A past-time perhaps? A friend? Maybe all three. Maybe none. She thought of all the times they had talked, all their conversations. They had brought her immense joy and laughter and excitement. Yes, that was the word – excitement. He was exciting. Stimulating. Endlessly. Almost addictive-ly. And he made her laugh, and smile, and get upset, and angry and sad. Something was always happening with him. Like with your favourite TV series.  An episode of Lost. Or One Tree Hill. Yes, that is what he was. That is what she had made him into. She smiled wanly and wistfully. It was too sad.

 Why? And How? She felt pathetic. It was pathetic. ‘God, my life must really suck’ she thought. Perhaps she was right. Had there been nothing, in her day-to-day life apart from his conversations to excite her? To give her that sense of rush and satisfaction? To make her feel? She reflected on all the events of the past week, the past month – she couldn’t recall a single memorable activity. 30 days, 4 weeks, god knows how many hours, and she couldn’t recall one, single memorable thing. Except maybe the argument with him. It was beyond pathetic.

 There is really nothing lacking in my life right now. It’s actually pretty awesome. I’ve got money. I’m with the man I love, and he’s with me. I’m doing something I’ve always wanted to do. I don’t have to work an 8-hour job. I don’t have to withstand a harrowing daily commute. It’s actually a breeze! But yet, apparently, nothing in my life excites me or gives me a sense of satisfaction.

 I seriously need help.

I seriously need to help, myself.

This would stop. Right now. Right this minute. She couldn’t go on like this. I cannot let it. The idea that the most memorable moments of her day happened in front of a chat window was too disturbing to excuse or reason with. I would have to do something. The operative word being ‘Do’. And ‘Something’.

‘Something’ that excites me, that gives my day meaning, that reflects my real wants, that is true to my values, that is a conscious choice, and that brings me memorable happiness. Happiness that occurs while I’m doing it, and that lingers on long after I’ve done it. It need not be complicated, or huge or particularly boast-worthy. It need not even take a lot of time. It just needed to be done. The operative word being ‘Needed’.

Otherwise, she would just go back to watching a TV series. On TV or on a chat window. The drama had to come from her own life, her own day, her own actions. Not from persons, real or fictional.

She wished she could apologize to him. Then realized she probably owed a much bigger apology to herself. She smiled. This would be memorable moment number 1. Sitting by herself on a cold, damp Sunday night, typing away at a computer, listening to the rain tap-tapping outside and awakening to a new realization. Yes, the first of many others.


Going to Work on Read This!

I’ve been a freelance writer for quite some time now on GAF (GetAFreelancer’s nick name). I started freelancing initially for the company where I’d worked for a whole month before realizing that it wasn’t a very smart idea. They’d be paying me much more as a freelancer, plus I wouldn’t have to sit within four walls for 8 hours a day nor would I have to do wake up early to get to work on time. Freelancing was just the thing for me. And if your priorities are like mine, then freelancing might work for you too.

The first site I worked with was GAF, and so far I’ve been quite satisfied with my experience. I’ve made a decent sum of money and managed to have a lot of time to pursue other interests too. GAF works like most other freelancing websites, only it’s much easier to get started, less of the bells and whistles and it survives plainly on no-nonsense, only essential stuff. Service providers bid on projects posted by buyers, offer the best services and prices, communicate with buyers through a private message board and eventually win the project. The website provides an escrow service for the payment which gives one some guarantee. The membership is free, 15 bids every month for no cost, but the website gets a commission – $3 or 3% (whichever is higher) of the total payment for every project you win. This can be avoided with a monthly gold membership of $12. After each project (that has been paid through GAF) you get to rate and review the other party, which is published for everyone to view.

Even with this ease, however, many providers will complain of being cheated or having miserable experiences with clients on GAF. So here’s a list of a few things that can make it easier for you:

  1. Getting your first project is going to be difficult since you have no reviews. Thus, you might have to work at a lower price than you would desire. This is just something you would have to go through. At this stage, put efforts into writing your bid and provide a sample or two. Ideally bid on a rewriting project, this is easier to do and to win.
  2. Gold membership proves to be economical if you’re going to work regularly on GAF: A) It gives you credibility. Buyers will see that you’re willing to invest cash in GAF, which means you’re serious about working and making it too. B) If you win two project of $100 in a month, that’s $20 wiped clean off you in GAF commissions. With gold membership, it’s just $12.
  3. Buyers will ask for samples, that’s the only way they can judge. Keep a few ready on different topics. Better yet, post them to article directories and send links. If a buyer asks you to write a fresh sample for him for free, he’s mostly conning you. Think over it — 20 providers bid on a project, one sample article from each and the buyer has 20 rewrites for free! Provide a regular sample to be on the safer side.
  4. Buyer reviews are important. Make sure you check on the projects a buyer has posted in the past. If he has a long list of projects posted and canceled, you know what he’s up to.
  5. Don’t fall for reviews blindly. Check who’s given the reviews — mostly it’s the same person working multiple accounts and posting fake projects to give themselves reviews. For example, if you a see a long list of  private projects on a providers ‘Projects Won’ list, you know there’s something wrong.
  6. Its quite unethical on your part to demand an escrow at the beginning of the project. Be fair to the buyer. At the same time it is quite stupid of you to work the whole project without an escrow. Be fair to yourself. Finish 50%, get it approved and ask for escrow.
  7. Buyers who post contact details on the private message boards, buyers who ask for resumes, buyers who want you to write “paid samples” without awarding you the project are to be avoided, unless this is a Featured project.

There are many other things that one learn on the way — in fact most of them. Freelancing is a lot of fun, but only if conditions are favorable. There’s a lot to this particular business, which I may eventually compile in an ebook. Until then, this should be good to go!

Working with Assholes… Part I

I’m sick and tired tired of working for Assholes. (I should use that term in a more specific sense, it must have categories, levels…I’ll get working on that soon)

It’s very frustrating to work with people who do not understand what ‘writing’ means or for that matter what is the purpose of ‘language’

It’s disappointing to work with people who do not understand the value of ‘words’ and fail to judge what words are supposed to do and how they are to be used.

it’s downright pathetic to work with people whose idea of ‘writing’ is using a few long adjectives along with other parts of speech to make a sentence and then refer to this sentence with other nouns like ‘opinion’ ‘judgment’ or ‘quality’

And most of all, it’s saddening to see that my work is supposed to meet these standards.

I’m sick and tired of working for Assholes. I am, however, not sick or tired of working.